Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
