Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
