areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
