I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
