So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
