I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
