She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
