I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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