...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
