This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
