i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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