I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
not ubering you a puppy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
