so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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