Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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