I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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