I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
