so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
