is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
