As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
