Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
