We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
