They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
as a side note pls kill me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
