Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
