I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
