The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
