There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
