You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
