Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
