why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
