I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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