Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
