Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
