You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
