bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
