is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
