There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
