You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
