I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's like heaven, but drunker
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
