I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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