You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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