Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
