Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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