p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
