I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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