he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
