His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
