Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
