He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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