Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
