I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
