i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
